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Awakening

I had an experience recently just before sleeping where I was talking to myself, sorting out the day in my head and I stopped to wonder who I was talking to.


"I suddenly was hit with this out of body experience where I was looking at myself, KNOWING that I am not that body. I had a resounding feeling that I am within the body and without the body. I create the world around me." I could see the Matrix, the energy dancing around and connecting everything, like I never had before. And the feeling of pure LOVE welled up and washed over me, followed by gratitude and then sadness. I have so much love and appreciation for this body and this experience! And yet I realized that I wasn’t attached to this body nor had I been present in it. I literally felt like I had just awakened from a dream, like I had been asleep for 53 years and I was finally awake to recognize that I have wasted all of this time. Living what I had thought was a life with purpose, I was just bouncing around from thing to thing, trying to fill a void. Diving head first into situations, going all in with the silliest of things, trying to feel whole. I thought I was doing the best I could, and yet I was sleepwalking. I saw this body with its modifications, tattoos, facial filler, botox and bleached, brittle, over- processed hair, and a sadness welled up. This perfect vessel had been altered in so many ways, it had gotten further and further from perfection. I hadn’t allowed myself to experience the amazing progression of my hair turning grey or keeping the furrow lines between my eyes. My gluttony for needing more, filling a void with whatever seemed right in that moment, had left me 70lbs over weight, alone, and sitting in luxury without true appreciation of it. And I had an uncanny ability to drive people away from me with my constant need for control.

SO - I SHAVED MY HEAD! Shaving my head has brought back so much awareness to my body and exterior. I’ve gone into public with no hair. I’ve done video interviews with no hair…and while it’s tough, I know that its my journey.


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